Friday, February 3, 2017

Steven Wright: Quirky '80s Comedian

In the '80s, comedy was often quirky and offbeat . . . just like the '80s themselves. One of my favorite comedians who became popular at that time was Steven Wright, whose routine was to give unusual, and often bizarre, observations in a dry, deadpan manner.  His comedy is one of those authentically '80s things that gave that decade its distinctive style, and which made that time so much fun. And he's still at it.

Here are some of his best lines from his '80s routine:

  • "For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de­humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
  • "Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
  • "Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick."
  • "My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them."
  • "I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again."
  • "The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?""
  • "All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.""
  • "In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out.""
  • There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.