Here are some of his best lines from his '80s routine:
- "For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
- "Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
- "Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick."
- "My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them."
- "I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again."
- "The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?""
- "All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.""
- "In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out.""
- There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.