Here's a non-nostalgia related post, but I feel its important to post.
Its a report about a high school bully who reached out to his victim 20 years later, and offered a long belated apology. The former bully decided to apologize after talking with his own child about bullying, and realizing that he had to admit that he himself had been a bully. The apology, as late as it was, had a positive effect.
I'm posting this because it struck a cord with me. Bullying can leave wounds that last a long time. Its easy for those who have not experienced extreme bullying, or those who have done the bullying, to act like it was no big deal. But if you've been a victim of severe physical or psychological mistreatment, you know it stays with you for years to come.
It takes guts for a former bully to acknowledge past bad behavior, and to apologize to their victims. This is hard when the behavior is recent, and maybe even more so when the behavior is long past and could be easily forgotten and "swept under the rug." It also takes courage for the victims to forgive the mistreatment that happened to them.
If anyone reading this was a former bully, I encourage you to think back on what you did, and see if you can locate a former victim and apologize to them. And if you are a former victim (as I was), I encourage you to forgive.
UPDATE:
Here's an excellent video which gives accounts of bullying, and its effects. I found it on the site of one of the commenters to this post, and think it adds to the discussion about this issue.
UPDATE:
Here's an excellent video which gives accounts of bullying, and its effects. I found it on the site of one of the commenters to this post, and think it adds to the discussion about this issue.
Great post Lazlo. Lots of strength and integrity shown by those two men. Most bullies just hide their bullying past, deluding others and themselves.
ReplyDeleteChelly- good to hear from you! I absolutely agree.. this video about the bully apologizing, and his his victim forgiving him, after so many years had quite an effect on me. I feel like passing it on. . . maybe if we had more people do what both of these guys did, we could have a brighter world. An apology really does have an effect, even after so many years.
DeleteIt has been maybe ten years since I've been bullied by some but I don't see myself forgiving them, all I would say to them would be "don't do it again ever and if you see anyone doing it try to stop them, make amends, be a better person" but forgive them for changing the course of my life? I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteHouse of a Misfit- You have a very good point, and I respect your view. I think, at the very least, there ought to be a desire to apologize on the part of the former bully, and a sincere spirit of repentance. I hate the idea of someone who abused another person just acting as if nothing happened, when in fact their behavior has inflicted a lot of pain on their victim. There should also be a desire on the part of the former bully to make amends and somehow give the former victim a modicum of justice... whether thats possible after so much time or not. But, at the very least, an apology is a beginning, and thankfully there is now a discussion going on about the effects of bullying.
DeleteI checked out your website, and found it interesting. I noted the youtube video on it giving different accounts of bullying and its effects. I hope you don't mind if I post it on my blog. I think it adds to the discussion. Best wishes to you from me (a fellow former victim).
It's not my video to mind but even if it was I wouldn't mind :) share it to as many as possible, this needs to be stopped, all the bullying and all the hurting. And I share the same opinion as you when it comes to people acting as if they've done nothing wrong, it just drives me crazy, I fly off the rails when they pretend they've done nothing wrong. Well anyway, I've become a better person despite adversity and I can only hope the others would be so lucky and be able to remain more or less sane people. Thanks for checking out my blog. You should set up a facebook page for people to follow you or if you have one share the link :)
ReplyDelete